Our son Timothy Kenjan is here

I´m sitting here trying to find words to start this article. I just want to share how overflowing with love, joy, gratitude and happiness our hearts are about the arrival of this little creature of light, this tiny beautiful human who transformed a couple into a family, a house into a home.

The cave you fear to enter

holds the treasure you seek.

~Joseph Campbell

True for me. With 35 I finally became a mother for the first time. Jan became a father for the fourth time. It was a different time with his first family. It ended in a painful way, left many deep wounds, for all involved. And sometimes life gives us a second chance, if we are brave enough, leads us down a path that allows us to continue this seemingly forever closed chapter of our life with a different level of experience, consciousness and a deeper wisdom. And Jan is definitely this kind of brave man, whose inner light by far outshines the darkness, who never ceased searching for a life to the fullest.

For me, family life was tainted in a very negative and traumatic way, even though I honor all the good things and resources I had, and how hard my parents tried, and how much I love my siblings, too, and for most of my years since I moved out of my parents‘ house I was just happy to be on my own. All that mattered to me was to experience peace. But something in me must have always been driving me for more and so I embarked on a profound journey over the last 9 years to heal my injured body and soul.

I think these enormous kinds of life transitions and transformations can never go without a row of painful identity-funerals (how could it not be, just from a biological standpoint, knowing how intensely our brains are reshaped on the physiological level) but it taught me a lot about surrendering my longing for control and putting my ego on the back seat which turned out to be so healthy, relaxing and pushing into growths as I have never experienced it before.

The arrival of this little, innocent and happy boy also moved a lot in our communities and families, lead to new connections, communication, healing.

Thank you, little Timmy, for choosing us as your parents. I have never been interested too much in babies (my pets were my babies), but now I see what I have been missing out all those years! And you are just a miracle, my cute little wonder-boy.

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Why did we decide for this name? Well, Jan and I were talking about names, and I was saying, if it becomes a boy (I didn´t have ultrasounds, so it was a surprise), more like a joke: „We won´t call him Wim (in February Jan just came back from his training in Poland where he successfully finished his certification as a WHM instructor, and of course, it was a dominating topic at this time)!“ „So, what about „Tim“?“ Timothy means „Honoring God“.

At fullmoon in March, the last month of pregnancy, I was starting to try to make contact with the unborn child in my womb. I was sending unspoken words to him, inviting him to introduce himself to me. Some nights later I had a dream about a little boy, who was introducing himself to me with the name „Kenjan“. The next morning in my research I found a beautiful meaning for this name which was „Guardian of the Gate to Paradise“.

Also our good friend Verónica, who in my opinion has a big part in him coming into existence, intuited it would be a boy.

Preceding Timmy’s birth we had a series of tenthousands of earthquakes on neighbor island Sao Jorge, they already started evacuating people. This fit to the excitement of us waiting for our little fire child to arrive! His birth is a story of itself, half romantic-intimate-intense homebirth with our wonderful Doula Diana (Diana is the Roman goddess of fertility, childbirth, protection of women… isn´t this fitting?!) and my mom, and action movie with a rare natural breech birth (pelvic position) on Graciosa, and an extraction in a military machine to the hospital in Terceira (now it was my turn, after Jan´s accident and emergency extraction by helicopter).

Edit 2024: So far you can listen to the whole story in German here.

A friend texted me this astrological prediction for the 12th (when my labor started at the 10th (the officially calculated birth date had been the 5th of April)):

“Specifically on April 12, 2022, with the Jupiter-Neptune conjunction at 24° Pisces, we are witnessing a highest influx of light on planet earth, beginning a new spiritual cycle of 166 years. These immense lightwaves of supreme soul energy are allowing us humans to begin to feel deep love, bringing together soul mates that belong together for a new level of planetary consciousness.”

My heart is just overflowing and expanding with love and gratitude for the two most important men in my life, Jan and little Tim. It´s such a miracle, how you both came to me. This song is for you, my loves of my life. It reflects our relationship, this feeling from the start that I have found somebody finally again who I have known for ages and who I have been missing so deeply. It reflects this wonderful pregnancy and exciting, intense and miraculous birth, where fear wanted to tell us for some frightening moments that this was too big and beautiful too ask for, kind of a forbidden step to do, and is not going to happen and we are gonna lose you, but we couldn´t know what a strong little guy you really are, how amazing and intelligent Mother Nature is, how much love and support is around us, and how much God just wants to gift us.

I was here, alone and then

You arrived like the wind

Every day now I am opening

To life, to love that you bring

And I may falter sometimes, for you are stronger

Than any love I’ve allowed

This makes me wonder

Were we divided from stars?

Mirrors of one mind,

Mirrors of one heart

Fast fast fast keep running baby

Love love love is on our tail and

Only you can light me inside

The way you do

I was running dry, and then

You arrived like the tide

Underwater, is your home, so now

I learn to swim by your side

And if you falter, just know

I will be there

Your voice a sound I remember

I don’t know how

For I’d been used to being strong

Been by myself so long

And then you came along

Down I fall when fear takes over

Just when I think you will disappear

I see you standing there still

I hold my breath,

I count to ten

In your embrace

I breathe again

The way you do

Fast fast fast keep running baby

Love love love is on our tail and

Only you can light me inside

The way you do

~Lee Harris