We are greeted with so much love from all sides when we come home. We both are deeply exhausted, and in the darkest time of the year it can be extremely depressing and hard here in the Azores anyway. So we are grateful for our heaven-sent angel Giulio, who lives with us, always with a big smile and his special humor, and making so delicious Italian food for us, doing everything, with the animals, in the garden, making fire.
Jacky, our tomcat, is well again, we later learn that he always suffers when we go traveling, but nowadays he seems to have gained enough trust and can handle it well.
We find one half of the blade of the string trimmer in our banana plantation, quite far away from the place of the accident. We feel that this was not the piece that has cut Jan but it is impossible to find the other part in the little forest with the thick underbrush and all the rocks.
Jan and I are speaking about that the leg really feels like we brought back a baby from the hospital! He can do and carry absolutely nothing, has to walk an two crutches. Now everything is on me and our helpers. It´s a huge change with such a hard working, helpful and tidy man suddenly completely struck down for a long time. And our „baby“ needs tremendous care, changing of the bandages, check-ups and treatments in the hospital, physiotherapy. It is also a big undertaking to get Jan off of the opiates again. Whenever he tries he gets zero sleep, has tremendous pain and stress in his whole body the whole night and starts several times again with the medication. And he never ever takes ANY pills, just like me!
How do we manage to do it in the end? The absolute truth: My instincts let us end up in some crazy weed smoking circle (we normally don´t do it, it´s just not our thing and we prefer to make our own DMT with breathwork and other kinds of body based energetic healing work and apart from that, prefer to experience reality with all its intensities and emotions just the way it is; but on the other hand I am a huge proponent of plant medicine used in a very targeted way and have experienced miracles with it on my healing journey) in where we both experience some kind of breakdown, complete letting go and recalibration; the others don´t understand our strong reaction and we wonder if we took mushrooms instead (no personal experience so far). I get memories back of a past life together with Jan in the stone age (I didn´t really believe in this stuff before) which in the end leads to another cascade of events leading to the finding of the missing part of the blade by activating a clairvoyant moment (yeah, I would have so many more stories to tell as you can see)…
I myself experience several strong physical panic attack like reactions when visiting the places again and all I can do is to accept it as part of the healing and recalibration of my nervous system now that the danger is over. Still many challenges ahead, but also so many blessings.
It was like a cutting and much stronger regrowth in both our root chakras. So many people from our community were deeply touched by our story, sent words of encouragement and sympathy, noticed how much they miss us when we are not around, when they didn´t see Jan driving around with his orange electric bike anymore, and gave us support, brought a meal, helped with the animals in our absence and more things I forgot to mention here. We learned a lot about the system, got way better organized and grew more together as a couple, not just on the flying high on love hormones and romantic ideas side, but also in down to the ground logistic and bureaucratic things. We have been tested and proven that we got each other´s back in hard times.
It´s just so amazing that we could leave our place for almost a month and find everything again all in order. We are filled with gratitude. It´s like Jan got a grafting of his leg and is growing together even better than before! We both also made some contact again with our families and for the first time with each other´s families. So much healing and new rooting has happened, but there is still a lot more work to do.
We don´t come back as the same people. Being so completely out of everything and coming back, starting again. We see everything with very fresh eyes. Like a complete detox and arriving more fully. The safe bubble still exists, and it has become bigger and more real and is opening up for other people, too.
And we are soo much more relaxed. Things that had seemed like catastrophes before now leave me very calm. Like my mother used to say, as long as nobody has lost a leg, it is no catastrophe. My capacity to handle stress has increased while on the same hand I have made leaps on healing some deep rooted fears and repairs in my foundation.
This story taught me lots of things very down to the ground and strengthened my character. Not just some spiritual bypassing to cope with the situation, but really hands-on useful stuff. Which for example helped my save our son one and a half years later by a hair’s breadth from some unnecessary heavy treatments when we involuntarily ended up in the same hospital right after his birth, and could have been stuck there for weeks, too. But this is another story.
My father came into a nursing home a few weeks later. After he was tested positive for Corona, even though asymptomatic, he was put into complete isolation, and there he stayed, no exaggeration, sadly, until his death in February 2021, all alone. Unfortunately not the final proof in my life of how cruel and inhumane this system can get. For the illusion of „security“. Because we cannot face the real demons deep inside ourselves. Too afraid to live and to die… I decided to overcome this enmeshment with my mother. I chose Real Happiness, Love and Connection, without feeling like I betray her when I get further in this endeavor then she could come. I know that she is happy for me and Jan.
Cold water therapy. Always a big undertaking to make the leg waterproof and go down to the pond… Jan has lost lots of muscle mass in his leg Just to know the starting point. From here it is just do build up again. Let nature do the healing 24th of January 21, to the day 2 months after his discharge Jan being fetched up for physiotherapy and consultation on Graciosa, picture taken one year after the accident after the steel parts have been taken out of his leg again
Here in this German article (it´s easy to read with Google translator) I describe our healing regimen, supplements and Co., that made Jan heal in record time so that his Doctor was willing to take out the screws and steel of his leg after just one year instead after the standard two years! Jan concentrated on building up his body again after all the muscle loss, starting biking again and exercises combined with special Wim Hof Breathing Methods and is now better than he was before the accident. We both feel like we brought home lots of gold from this journey through dark lands and come back much more grounded, mature and with more appreciation for our life together.
During 2021 we have to regularly go back to Terceira for Jan´s consultations, x-rays. We go with the flow and use the opportunity to take a break from our busy projects In the winter and during Covidtimes we use the opportunity that the prices of the best hotels in Angra are as low as never before. The healthcare system in the Azores pays for the flights and gives a fixed amount of money for food and accommodation, also, if needed like in our case, for the carer (me) A bit different from our usual eating habits. We have to order some extra eggs and bacon in order to get satiated from the „healthy“ vitality breakfast^^ But we have fun. Monte Brasil in the background Finally, all the artificial parts are out. Now some more healing time ahead and the memories and scars remain, but then this chapter of our life can be closed again.
I want to end this story with another beautiful song in German. Thank you for reading!